DRESS DOWN FRIDAY's OFF TOPIC POST: HALO 2 REVIEW

The corporate world has "dress down Friday", when executives and broom pushers alike wear their jeans and polo shirts; likewise, at CBB, Friday is a day for something that is not clinically infectious, morbid or mortal... and today's inaugural Dress Down Day post will be a brief impression of Halo 2 -- the X Box game that necessitated worldwide application of anti-convulsive therapy as Bungie kept pushing back the release, so they could get it right. Did they?

The real question is: Could they?

REGRESSION TO THE MEAN

According to John Allen Paulos in his classic book, Innumeracy, the reason sequels are almost never successful as the "originals" is a mathematical one. It's called regression to the mean. In a nutshell, since no one knows what makes a piece of entertainment "successful"  (if they did they would make a successful product -- movie, show, play, game -- every time) then a super-successful event is considered a statistical aberrancy and the next event is likely to be more "average."

The original Halo was shockingly different from other FPS (first person shooters) -- the most acclaimed being Doom -- with plot twists that were done justice by ground-breaking graphics and animation; an AI (artificial intelligence) that followed you to bed at night; horrripillating, haunting music ; and the best two-player mode ever.

Halo 2 is NONE of those things.

SPIROCHETES TO BLAME?

The plot is abstruse and jejune. The writing crew must have been infiltrated by zombies enlisted from the Dungeons and Dragons Nation because the semi-mythical, overblown plot is way too ponderous for a shoot-em-up video game. The characters have been eviscerated. The Masterchief is much absent and has little to offer in his previously reassuring laconic way; The Covenent enemy, once fearsome utterers of guttural exhortations now talk with a British accent, tone, and inflection sounding more like Sir Edward Gielgud than homicidal alien lizardmen; and only someone chronically infected with spirochetes would think that we, the Halo-faithful, would WANT to play the role of these Covenent-cum-Coventry chimera as we are forced to --yes, you heard me: in Halo 2, for half the game you play the part of Covenent Elite. If I wanted to be a lizard monster I would have sought out a Godzilla game.

The Flood, somehow, have been spayed, and now are about as scary an an army of Cookie Monsters. Most of the time you can run right through their battlegrounds without fighting anyway, as Bungie has brought in a new group of antagonists, lead by grown-up Care Bears and just about that frightening...

Cortana is much less calculating, more seductive, looking like she wants to get boffed, which is her only purpose here as she has been trivialized out of the plot. Your marine buddies are barely present -- less so than your slimy Covenent troops, and you're going to miss them as you make your way...to where?

I don't know. The maps are derivative and nothing is new. The game comes to a surprisingly quick and unexpected end after completing a task that took me three tries to master.

VEHICULAR HOMICIDE

The vehicles are a HUGE disappointment. The ghosts are stabilized but less agile; worse, all the new fighting vehicles move as if their gears are soddened with bubble gum and you are plowing through quicksand; I know what you are thinking: what about the Banshees? Those agile dive-bombing, spiraling Covenent-killers?  THEY DON'T MOVE! Whatever the zoophagous geeks who run the computer animation mod at Bungie did, they should all be fired! It's as if the background is moving and the Banshees are standing still. I jumped out of my Banshee and walked!

STILL BETTER THAN DOOM

Although Halo 2 has regressed toward the mean, it is still one standard deviation above any other FPS, and it is only because of Bungie's great success that they were doomed (no pun intended) to suffer in comparison to a one-time success like the original Halo.

Which lives on, by the way, in the on-line PC version which I recommend to you all. And if you find your way into any of the CV Heavy Weapons Servers you might run into me, TheDoc...and THAT would be your opportunity to pay me back for ALL the posts you didn't like!

Comments

[Justin Bunton]

I, as I am sure other Halo fans do as well, happen to enjoy the plot and storyline of the game. If you played many video games at all, you would understand that a good story, in a FPS especially, a good back story is hard to come by! As for the "two player" mode, I sincerly suggest that you shell out a mere $50 or so and try out the XBOX LIVE service for a year! With that service you get to enjoy a full screen view, unlimited human foes from around the globe, and serious competition. As for the difficulty of the game how 'bout you set it to legendary. I got a feeling you would'nt be able to get past the first few levels.
You most definately cannot play the game correctly if you didn't like the vehicles. For instance,"the banshees...DON'T MOVE" let me inquire as to where you get your crack 'cause it must be powerfull stuff.. If you simply pull the left trigger (Default configuration)
after burners propell the agile craft faster than they have ever been before, also you can perform stunts and manuevers in this game that were not possible previously. I am an avid player of the pc version of Halo still yet, and watch your back, cause a beat-downs comin' to ya!
Please leave the game reviews to people who actually play the damn games and get paid for it!

[CBBMD]

I didn't say people didn't enjoy the storyline; I know that there are people who eat Twinkies for dinner and watch reruns of Full House; what I said was that the story suffered from ponderous mythical overtones, stilted language and corny derivative Dungeons and Dragons babble. You can like it if you want, I guess. I just think that for a SHOOTER it only gets in the way.

After soundly beating the first Halo on Legendery and running through Halo 2 on the heroic level, I think I'm qualified to comment on the difficulty and style of play. Maybe you need to practice a little more so you get to know how to use all the weapons correctly and use the advantages of the maps.

As for the vehicles STINKING, I'm sorry you took me literally about the banshees. I sometimes forget...what I meant was a relative phenomenon and I think it has to do with the computer generated backgrounds. The turbo is short lived. The "maneuvers" (are you talking about the roll?) are laughable and do nothing for the play of the game. Nobody gets away or out of your sites with a roll.

The Hogs are clumsy and WAY less maeuverable; the new Covenent hovercrafts move like icebergs and are easy targets and the ghosts feel heavier and less agile; and, if YOU didn't notice all that, it ain't crack we're dealing with...probably more like a sleeping pill...

CBBMD

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